This is a good question for a few reasons. To begin, it’s a good way to check on my experience (and I’m glad that the person who asked it wanted to vet me as a provider before bringing me onto the team). It is also a good question because it allows us to contextualize some behaviors that are difficult to understand.
Do know that this is not a guide on “if you see this behavior, your child has trauma” or “if you don’t see this behavior, they aren’t traumatized.” If you have concerns about your child and possible trauma, reach out to a mental health professional. I’m here as a part of the team, supporting from the behavioral side.
With that being said, many of the cases I take on have a trauma component. For the privacy of the families I have served, I will be generalizing the stories here: everything is true, but some cases are mixed together or elements left out to protect the families.
Behaviors associated with trauma: Loss of a skill
I have worked with a number of military families and others who lost family members in service, in sickness, and in accidents. Many of the kids I supported lost a skill along with the loss of their loved one. For example, some lost their potty training, others went from speaking fluently to speaking 2-3 word sentences (or become contextually or selectively mute), and others still were unable to keep up with curriculum in school that they had previously mastered.
Behaviors associated with trauma: Reenacting the trauma
I have worked with a number of families who were troubled by their child’s reenactments of the traumatic situation. This includes drawing what happened, using toys to act out a scene, and enlisting peers to join in playing out a version of the trauma. Seeing a child attempt to work through (or seem to get stuck on) a traumatic moment in time can be difficult or unbearable to witness.
Behaviors associated with trauma: “Un-empathetic” comments
When kids are working through difficult things, they may try to explain them using the best words they have and test out new ways of describing them as they come up. For example when a child is learning about their adoption they may refer to their parent as a “not-real dad” or after a death they may refer to the person as “TKOd” (meaning totally knocked out). Although these statements may seem disconnected or unkind, they are often just a child’s way of exploring how to describe what is going on.
Behaviors associated with trauma: Many, many more
Every child is different and there is no way I can list every behavior I have seen (nor every one that exists) associated with trauma. If you would like more information, check out the trauma-related books on my resources page. The body keeps the score and What happened to you both have descriptions of other ways that trauma can affect behavior.