Are you tired of having to ask them to do things 50 million times before they finally get it done? Do they keep telling you to stop nagging them while not doing what they need to do? *eye twitch* There are three simple things you can do to end this nagging battle. Let’s get into it!
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What is nagging and why do I want to stop nagging?
No one likes to nag or be nagged, you already know this. Nagging is repeated prompting, usually the same prompt, over a short period.
Is it a problem? Yes, for a few reasons:
- You aren’t able to say something and know it will be done. instead you’re stuck following up over and over again and you have better things to do.
- No one likes to be nagged and they will probably start to resent you for it or at least complain about it.
- When I provide Crisis Prevention and Intervention Training families (I am certified to provide this training through QBS), one of the big triggers for high intensity crisis behavior that we talk about is “being nagged”
So what can we do when kids won’t listen and we have to repeat ourselves until we are blue in the face but know that in the end it isn’t the best choice? Here are three things to add to your tool box that will help you stop nagging!
1) stop nagging: Wait until you are within arms reach to make the request
If they can’t hear you (or are far enough from you that they can pretend they can’t hear you) or aren’t paying attention, you are probably going to have to repeat yourself.
So, one way to stop nagging before it happens is to make sure you are within arm’s reach before you make your request.
This simple trick makes sure that you are close enough that they can hear you without you having to yell and that if you need to gesture or point to help them get the job done, you’re already right there.
For little kids that are prone to engage in I-can’t-hear-you-and-I’m-running-away type behaviors, it’s nice to be near enough to give a supportive snuggle or hand hold to help them focus on on what you are saying and stay on the right track.
2) Stop nagging: present the request and then neutrally prompt
If you want to stop nagging, make sure that you start strong and then are prepared to help prompt without repeating yourself over and over and over…until the end of time (or when your sanity runs out, which ever comes first!) Here are the most important things to consider:
Make a request statement and not a request question
This is about saying what you need with a polite tone and kind words while refraining from the extremes of barking orders and meekly asking. You can give warnings and choices, but keep it kind and keep it precise as to what you need. Here are some examples and non-examples:
- Good: “Talia, I need you to take out the trash right now please. Do you need a hand getting the bag closed?”
- Good: “Jose, dinner will be ready in about five minutes. When I let you know that it’s ready, please wash your hands and come to the table.”
- Good: “Honey, please take the dog for a walk within the next thirty minutes. Here is a timer, let’s set it together.”
- Barking orders: “Take the trash out NOW or else!”
- Meekly asking: “Could you take the trash out sometime this week maybe please?”
Neutrally prompt to make sure it gets done
You can’t always give one instruction and know that it will be 100% okay, but you can follow up while avoiding nagging. To stop nagging while still prompting, focus on keeping it neutral. This can look like:
- Being near enough to them to provide help if needed (see tip one and the example with Talia above)
- Using warnings (like in the example with Jose above)
- Providing tools like a timer (as in the example with Honey above), list, or note
Imagine how much more relaxed you will be going forward with a plan so that you can avoid having to repeat yourself over and over again.
Even with these tools you may have to repeat yourself sometimes, but you will reduce or stop nagging immediately.
3) Stop nagging: Go straight for the choice
Want to see a magic trick? Ask them if they want to wash dishes with mom drying or dad drying. Once they answer, get started. Boom! No nagging!
Okay, so life isn’t always that simple, but choice can be a really powerful thing. Think about it this way: if the reason you have to nag is because it becomes a power struggle, share some of the power. Adding choices gives your child some power in the moment in a safe and appropriate way. This allows you to have a more equal interaction and reduces the likelihood of power struggles. No power struggle, no nagging.
Conclusion
No one wants to nag and everyone wants to stop nagging: from the person who is nagging to the person being nagged to everyone who is around the nagging. Using these three simple tips can help you reduce or even eliminate the need to nag. If you would like more support on how to stop nagging, consider scheduling a discovery call with me (click here) or check out our programs (click here to see the list).
How would not having to nag any more change your life?
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