Have you taken your family to the Sylvan Heights Bird Park in Scotland Neck, North Carolina? Before you go, make sure that you kids have the skills they need for everyone to have a good time. Here are the top 3 skills your child needs in order for everyone (humans and birds alike) to enjoy your trip to Sylvan Heights Bird Park.
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A little about Sylvan Heights Bird Park
Sylvan Heights is a fantastic place full of interactive exhibits and hands on experiences. I mean really hands on, like walk THROUGH the exhibits (not just look in), like have birds land on you and walk around your feet type of hands on! It’s an incredible experience. You can buy bird food for the Landing Zone (an aviary with flamingos, parakeets, and others that are happy to see you and have a snack!), walk the nature trails, sit down and have a picnic, and peruse the gift shop.
You will see hundreds of birds from around the world, including many on the endangered and threatened list. Sylvan Heights Bird Park helps booster populations in their breeding programs and outreach. Below is a video from www.shwpark.com with some more information on the park. You’ll see there is plenty of space to social distance and there are clear rules about where masks must be worn. It’s the perfect 2020 outing!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-Ev1lIT75M&feature=youtu.be
Let’s jump in!
If you are starting to have a panic attack just thinking about this, it’s likely that you either (1) have a fear of birds or (2) have a child(ren) that would wreck house if you attempted to visit. We can help you with both (we do a lot of work with fears and phobias!) but today we are going to focus on the latter: what are the most important skills your child must have for everyone to have a good time at Sylvan Heights Bird Park.
Of course, many of these skills can be applied to other types of outings, like petting zoos, aquariums, fairs, or farms, but we are going to focus on the hidden gem that is Sylvan Heights today. With these skills, everyone will have a fantastic time! Here is how it breaks down: for each skill area, we have a description of what the skill looks like in practice and what it looks like when there is a deficit, what you can do to develop this skill, and what to do (and not do) in a mayday moment when things hit the fan.
This is not here to shame you if your child has a rough time or if they have difficulty with any of these skills. You are a good parent and they are a good kid. Tantrums, rough moments, and less-than-ideal behavior is normal kid stuff that everyone goes through and any parent can work to overcome. It’s ok, we are here to help support you however we can and have written this as a way to help you prepare for an awesome visit to the park.
Skill number one: Accepting no and not getting what you want when you want it
At the end of my visit to Sylvan Heights Bird Park, I asked two staff members what they see children struggling with. As we all looked around the gift shop at the soft, cute stuffed animals, feathers from birds in the park, art pieces, and small toys, the number one skill needed became clear: the ability to accept no without the wheels falling off.
What it looks like when they have it down
An adult says no and the child expresses sadness, disappointment, frustration, or concern while maintaining an appropriate volume and keeping their hands to themselves.
What is looks like as a deficit
This deficit often conjures imagines of Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka: I want it and I want it nooooow! This is ye olde tantrum territory.
Hitting, screaming, flopping to the floor, kicking, pushing, refusing to move, running away, crying, throwing items, acting aggressively toward others, hurting themselves…it can look all sorts of ways but one thing is for certain: either they get what they want or everyone is going to have a bad time.
Pro Tip: Sometimes, who and what is around will change how a child expresses themselves. Some kids will seek out breakable, crunch-able, or rip-able items as they become upset. Be aware of this, especially if you see them scanning the area and targeting items. Moving to a safe place where we can feel all of the feelings but can’t reach breakable things can save you from having to pay a hefty “you break it you buy it” bill (and cant reduce chances of injury).
What you can do to help develop this skill
Practice. Then practice. Maybe some practice? Add in practice. But what should you practice? Here it is: practice hearing no and reacting appropriately. All the time, with lots of support to use coping mechanisms and praise for making a good decision to react in a way that is appropriate. This can also mean practicing waiting for what they want. A simple “Yes, but I need you to wait for a little bit” in practice can go a long way.
Mayday moment!
It happens. It’s not their fault and it’s not yours. Sometimes kids have an emotionally charged moment and can’t use the skills they normally do well with. Let’s say you have to say no to buying a toy at the gift shop and they feel extremely disappointed and mad. These feelings are normal and ok, but the behaviors they start to use to express those emotions may not be. Here are some ways that might make it better:
Do: Give a choice: “I know you really want the stuffed otter but it’s not coming home with us today. We are going to get one of these bird photographs, would you like to help choose?”
Do: Give a boundary: “It’s ok to cry. We can go to the car until you are feeling better.”
Pro Tip: The parking lot is right by the gift shop, so this is an easy transition and can give some safe space for working through big feelings. As well, you can avoid entering the gift shop all together if that will be easier for everyone: tickets are currently sold through a window on the front porch of the first building you see.
Avoid: Threatening: “Pull it together or we are going to the car!”
Avoid: Shaming: “Stop being a cry baby, you’re embarrassing yourself.”
Skill number two: The skill of following directions from adults and from signs
This is a very clean, very safe, and very fun place to visit! In order to keep it that way, there are a number of simple rules to follow. There are clear signs posted where needed so you’ll have no problem knowing what the expectations are (yay for clarity!) But what if your child doesn’t fully understand or is unable to accept rules?
What it looks like when they have it down
An adult expresses a rule or reads a rule off a sign (or the child reads/identifies the meaning of a sign themselves) and they are able to follow that rule even if they feel sad, disappointed, frustrated, or angry about having to do so.
What it looks like as a deficit
This deficit looks like Taz from the Looney Tunes: not listening, throwing a tantrum over having to follow the rule, running around, yelling and screaming, getting into things, climbing, defying directions, being obstinate, or generally being destructive. These are just a few things that you may see when a child is missing this skill. (If you need a hit of nostalgia around Taz and the Looney Tunes, check out this backpack!)
What you can do to help develop this skill
Rewind and redo practice is my number one go to for many kiddos. When you give a direction and it isn’t followed, slowly regain your child’s attention (see: avoid panic yelling, if possible) and help them do it again. It may take multiple tries. They may think it’s a game at first–but don’t fall for that! Stick to your guns and get the cleanest and closest you can to the ideal behavior before you move on.
For example, let’s say you asked them to walk with you and they chose to run ahead. That’s a normal kid thing to do, but it can be very unsafe. Go to them, bring them back to where you started, let them know what you need them to do and do it with them again: “We need to walk to the car for safety. Let’s try again with walking feet.”
Pro Tip: This takes an ungodly amount of patience sometimes and it’s ok to know that this is not something that you are in a place to take on. Good for you for setting a limit and taking care of yourself! We are here to support you and can help make this process shorter while taking the weight of the load off of your shoulders: Click here to schedule a free Discovery Call.
Mayday moment!
Usually they have this down, but today is just too exciting or that rule is just too difficult to maintain, they gotta break it! It happens, especially in very exciting places like Sylvan Heights.
Do: Make the rules clear before you arrive: “There are going to be a lot of fun things and there will be times when you can run. Ask grandma and I’ll let you know if it’s a walking or running area.”
Pro tip: The boardwalks and trails are great areas for getting some ya-yas out before you enter an exhibit that warrants calmer movements.
Do: Use the rewind and redo: “We need to walk. Let’s go back to the entry of this area and try that again”
Avoid: Yelling: “Walk! I SAID WALK! Get back here NOW!”
Avoid: Giving up: If your child is breaking one of the rules of the park, you might be putting them, the staff, the volunteers, the other patrons, and the birds in danger. This is not a dangerous place but you have to be respectful of the rules to keep it that way. This includes wearing a mask where required including the high traffic outdoor areas (don’t worry there are clear signs), watching your step for little birds underfoot, refraining from chasing or taunting the birds, keeping your body away from birds who do not want to socialize nicely (more on that in the next section), and making sure doors and gaits are closed.
Skill number three: The skill of accepting that animals are autonomous creatures
This can be a really hard one because it has elements of reading body language, deep empathy, and recognition of self differentiated from others. What do you mean the bird doesn’t want to hang with me? I want to hang with them! How could they possibly want anything else!?
What it looks like when they have it down
They can state that a bird doesn’t want to be near them or seems agitated and respects the bird’s space without taunting, attempting to force, or continuing to pursue the bird even if they feel sadness, disappointment, frustration, or excitement about how the bird is acting.
What is looks like as a deficit
The adult human I saw taunting a beautiful but agitated Crowned Crane (see the bird at the bottom of the picture, right) by leaning way over the railing and attempting to hit it repeatedly with his map through the fence while his kid and partner asked him to stop. Not cool, bro.
A bird that doesn’t want to be around you will warn you and will leave you alone once you back away. If a bird doesn’t want to hang out with you, there is very little you can do to change that. If you attempt to force them, they will not appreciate it and will react in either a flight or fight fashion. Kids (or the wayward adult…) who don’t understand or are unable to accept this may push too hard and create an unhappy situation, even with the birds who usually enjoy interaction.
There are some birds at Slyvan Heights Bird Park (like the aforementioned cranes, large swans, soaring eagles, humongous emu, and carnivorous kookaburra) that are in areas that cannot be walked through and have extra or special fencing in order to keep the birds and patrons safe. Reaching fingers in, banging on the fences, climbing the barriers, harassing the birds, or otherwise attempting to access areas that are not meant for visitors is simply not safe. These are all behaviors you will see if kids don’t fully understand that these animals are autonomous creatures who need to be respected as such.
What you can do to help develop this skill
Practice ahead of time by showing them pictures of the park and talking about the birds. You can look at pictures of the landing zone and talk about the best way to get a bird to say hello (and what you can do if they don’t and you feel frustrated, disappointed, or sad). You can watch a video of an agitated bird and talk about how taunting them is dangerous and cruel.
Pro Tip: Go to this page on the Sylvian Heights Bird Park website to look at and discuss different birds with your kids. This will help you prepare them for birds they can and cannot interact with and give you a way to talk about how different birds may show you they would like some space.
Mayday moment!
I saw a little girl who REALLY wanted a specific budgie to visit the snack stick she was holding. It was breaking her heart that the one individual did not want to sit with her and snack. This is normal, and it’s ok to feel disappointed when animals don’t behavior exactly as we hope. Here is how you can help
Do: Empathize two ways: “I feel disappointed too, I think that would be really fun if the bright yellow one sit on your hand. Do you ever feel like you don’t want to hang out with other people, like that little bird right now?”
Do: Talk about it: “Tell me why that bird is special to you. It kind of reminds me of the bird that comes to our bird feeder at home.”
Avoid: Logic with no feeling: “There are literally a hundred birds in here. It’s not a big deal if ONE doesn’t want to eat with you.”
Avoid: Teasing (if they are genuinely upset): “Maybe you just smell bad and need a bird bath.”
Conclusion
Did you notice the themes of “practice” and “feelings are ok” throughout? The more you practice, the more likely you will have the skills in place when you need them. As well, it’s totally 100% ok for kids to have big feelings when things don’t go their way, when they are overwhelmed with emotion, or when they are really excited. If we help kids express those feelings in a safe way, we are in a good supportive place.
Sylvan Heights Bird Park is a beautiful, clean, safe, and fascinating place that everyone should visit. If your child is missing some of these skills, you can use the practice examples above to help them develop them. We can also design a custom program for you to work on this or a similar skill set so that you and your family can access and enjoy more of what beautiful North Carolina has to offer (click here to schedule a free consultation). Once your child has the skills down, you can use the Mayday! tips for times when they are overly stimulated or unable to use the skill effectively in the moment.
We hope this inspired you to visit Sylvan Heights Bird Park. Have you been there before? What did you like best? Is there a skill we missed? Let us know below!
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